Silence.

   Over the course of the last few years of my life, I would like to think my faith has grown stronger than ever.  In fact, I know it has.  I've pretty much had a strong faith from the beginning, just with growth, I've become more assured in what I know I need to do as a Christian.  I may not know the Bible by heart, but I study it until I understand what it is I'm meant to know.  I may not know 100% of the things 100% of the time, but I'm willing to adjust, learn and keep my mind and heart focused on all that is Godly.

  We, as a family, have found a home in a small, local, church that is within our community.  The people are like family we grew to become welcome within this Church.  Soon with Covid and everything that is the pandemic things vital that were the pandemic, the Church changed.  Not so much so fast at the beginning but the Pastor and his family sought to move on to another chapter in their life.  We welcomed the new Pastor and his family within the congregation with open arms.  Soon then, things changed again too, but that was to be expected.  With new leadership.

  Fast-forward over the years and the Pastor and his family have built a strong family that is mine within the faith itself.  There were some things, at the start of new leadership I did notice but decided to overlook being these were new people and maybe I just didn't know them very well.  Things began to get progressively more ... noticeable but in a 'joking' ha-ha sort of way.  Again, was that just them?  Just a joke?  Ok, whatever.

  Move to the most recent turn of events that have led me and my family to see things in a new light.  I want to stress that I made myself physically sick over this.  I wanted to be without doubt and 100% certain this was biblical and not evil thinking.  I mean, I've chalked most of my thoughts previously to 'gossip' and 'evil thoughts.'  But every time I prayed on this, I got no answer.  I didn't understand it.  There was silence.  Silence from God, silence from what it was I needed to study, and silence from anything leading me to anything providing me any shred of doubt to my thoughts.  And, with each passing day, things progressively got worse as the receiving end to this situation.  I am choosing not to use names, or specific events here out of respect.  If our thoughts are correct, things will be revealed in due time.  The truth always comes to light.  And it wasn't like they ever 'changed' who they were.  I think it was more they tried really hard to hide it from everyone and now... because of how close my family has become- they slipped up.

  Let me be clear, I don't think any laws have been broken here.  There is no danger there.  I'm not 100% knowledgeable in the ladder that is the command within a Church.  I know our Church has an overseeing "team."  But what I don't know is if any of this blatant lack of ... desire to... To quote Paul, in 1 Timothy: 5 You must teach people to have genuine love, as well as a good conscience and true faith. 6 There are some who have given up these for nothing but empty talk. (CEV) And, when I think about it... I can't remember a sermon that has been fitting for me, biblically.  Usually, there would be at least SOMETHING over the few months that I would get full body chills, cry, SOMETHING.  Nothing.  I mean, they were good messages.  But like Timothy said, they're just ... Empty.  Does that mean what they teach on Sundays is the problem?  No, that's not the event.  But in revelation I have concluded in addition to the light revealed, this too is something I noticed.  There'd be Sunday's my husband or myself couldn't talk enough about the service.  That hasn't happened in a VERY.  Long.  Time.  

   This morning I was again reflecting on my headspace and the drama that had unfolded.  "God, you gave tools to those who needed them.  Albeit odd, even a trumpet worked at one point.  You came to some as an object, letting them know what it is you wanted.  WHAT DO I HAVE?"  and then he told me.  I have my husband.  My husband whom, we came too close to losing at one point.  My husband, whom God made perfect for His need.  He has said what needed to be said, at the exact moment that needed to be said to initiate such drama.  And he could do it because he doesn't give any shit to what you think if it is true.  At that moment my headspace cleared and I was at peace.  God was near and He was letting me know I found the answer I needed.  It wasn't ill thought or 'gossip.'  And I finally was at peace.

   Because of the turn of events that have unfurled due to some actions... I have advised my husband not to continue to speak with them.  I will be Christianly if the need calls for it.  And if any discussion is absolutely without a doubt is needed, then a 3rd party must be present due to things that have been said to him.  They have shown us some ugly things to which I will not be allowed to use against us.  I already know, there will be a negative space to that which was our presence.  But if I know what to be true, it won't last long.

  There are wolves out there in sheep's clothing who may not know they're wolves and believe themselves to be sheep.  Or want you to believe they are sheep.  And they will retaliate and act just like any wild animal that's been cornered by the truth.  The only thing you can do is know your Bible, Know God and lead with a loving, biblical heart.  Anything else is false teaching.  

if it comes to light that I am dead wrong.  I'll eat my words and apologize, but the information that has been thus shared so far is not looking good for them.